True self, confidence, and attraction

Living your true self makes you more attractive.

Aside from superficial observations, confidence plays a significant part in how attractive a person is. When someone is being/doing something that they truly enjoy – whether it’s a girl playing Magic or a guy exploring the culinary arts – they are more attractive because they are letting you see the real them. And if an activity isn’t the “norm” for their gender, they may be even more confident because they know they are being genuine, despite the fact that it’s not the norm… ergo, they are more attractive.

False expressions of confidence aren't as successful because who or what is being attracted isn't a natural connection. (This doesn't mean that natural connections never fade, but in those cases, it's caused by something else.)

Being "attractive" doesn't mean being "sexually" attractive... it defines everything you attract: people, relationships, experiences, information... everything. But attracting what naturally aligns with you depends on whether you are living your true self.

Perfection

Regarding self-acceptance, I may have mentioned how truly understanding the concept of not being perfect freed me from the negativity surrounding my failure to live up to my own expectations, thus allowing myself to do what I wanted to do without fear of self-punishment.

My current perspective is quite different.

I no longer fear being alone because I am never alone. Nor is anyone.

I no longer think that I don’t deserve joy, because everyone does.

I no longer need love because I always have it. Just like everyone.

I no longer care what others think. OK, maybe I do. But not in the same way as before.

I am perfect. Everyone and everything is perfect. And as is everyone, I am free to be. Me.

My Purpose

My entire life has been preparation to receive the words I was given yesterday. Although the specifics of how are not yet clear, my purpose of being is.

It is literally the last thing I thought I would be. (I thought I had a greater likelihood of being a politician!) But in a sense, that’s what makes it perfect. Even though it makes sense on many levels, I am not ready to announce what I am for various reasons.

Practically, although there may be suitable words to describe my purpose, the limiting (labeling) nature of language and certain connotations potentially narrow or redirect what is true. Therefore, I haven't chosen the words yet. Well, there are some general words, but sharing them at this point would be like an episode of TV's Lost, where there are more questions at the end than the beginning.

Personally, I choose to be free of external approval, support (or disapproval). I have only consciously lived with this knowledge for a day so far, so I am experiencing swings between the extremes of instinctual knowing and rational doubt. Explaining things right now just wouldn't serve anyone.

Respectfully, the reason I mentioned this at all, particularly in-person to friends today, was to share something of my life. It was/is not my intent to "tease" or withhold information; the details will unfold naturally.

Trust me, I want details too... how do I? when do I? what if this? what if that?
**SCREECHING HALT!!!*** Psychological time, anyone?

Phew! yeah... in the meantime I choose to stay present and centered. :)

I appreciate your understanding and patience.

Day 18

The topic of spiritual practice came up last night in a discussion, and I found it interesting to hear the different ways people defined what a spiritual practice meant to them. I certainly have a broader perspective now on things that I do and ways that I am that are spiritual. In my mind, "practice" connotes disciplined repetition, so I guess there are many moments that, although I would describe them as blissful or euphoric, I never recognized as being spiritual.

Thinking about these things newly categorized as spiritual, I can't help but notice that there is a common characteristic. I can't control when they happen, they just do. I actually can't remember if I created a post about it, but I've toyed with the concept of enjoying life as actually having as many of "those moments" as possible. So, I guess a spiritual practice for me would be doing what supports being in those moments.

Day 10

Another wonderful day. One of the things I like about myself is that I can get excited. I usually try not to express it to others (another topic for another time), but I’m at least beginning to recognize that this is one way that my instinct manifests. The excitement comes from within, and my mind is left to decide how to respond to it, which usually results in overthinking with an undercurrent of self-doubt. “Oh, it’s probably not a good idea. Bad things could happen.” But, times are a-changing. The new script is “Hey, this idea is intriguing. I feel good about it, so things could happen that bring me joy.”

The most recent outcome of this new script is my involvement with a local Time Bank. Most of us like to do good deeds. The time bank is a way to exchange good deeds, kind of like a barter system, without having to make an exchange both ways with the same person. This results in only doing what you want to do for someone; and if there’s something you need, there are more people who might be willing to do it for you.

Participating in the Time Bank might be one way to strenghten my connections with others in a healthy way, which I believe will support my effort to be more authentic.

Day 9

I hope things start making sense soon.

Fortunately, I've gotten more comfortable being on my own. This is a little embarrassing, but I'll share it anyway. After I went grocery shopping today, I got really excited over the fact that I went out and got what I wanted, instead of what I "should have" gotten. Even though the actual items might not have been that much different, the change in mindset is important to me.

I'm also a little more comfortable with certain relationships. Well, to be more exact, the moments when I'm more comfortable are becoming more frequent and last a little longer.

As for the big areas that I'm struggling with, I'm doing the best I can.

Justification

I (loosely) participated in a good group discussion about the Ego, but my example didn't occur to me until I got home. I say loosely because my only contribution was the idea of fearing judgment. Even though my EGO likes to believe I'm above it, this fear actually does has a HUGE effect on me sometimes. Yet, I think a significant manifestation of my ego is my knee-jerk reaction to justify myself. An example (a very relevant one, I think) would be religion.

We all judge others on some level and I try my best not to judge unfairly. I admitted to being a little anxious, so I hope what I write is taken in the spirit in which it's intended.

It was made clear tonight that at least a couple members of the discussion group are Christians. Anyone who knows me or has read my previous post probably knows I do not consider myself to be Christian. I'm embarrassed to admit that immediately, if for only a moment, I wrote-off the possibility of future gatherings with this group because if this. Not because I would not accept them, but because I feared that as soon as they found out I wasn't a Christian, they wouldn't accept me.

[Now, I know this is illogical, but I've seen stranger things happen. AND being this open and honest demonstrates my faith that they are reasonable.]

I followed a minivan all the way home with a couple bumper stickers, "Who would Jesus bomb?" and "God bless everyone. No exeptions." I didn't really think anything of it, but it prompted me to consider what not being Christian means to me, which is what resulted in that ridiculous internal dialog. The first answer that comes to mind is that I feel I need to justify myself. Because I don't follow a specific religion, I'm somehow not as worthy of the great things life has to offer. Again, yes, I know... ridiculous. But I think that's Ego-driven.

Anyway, this is only a post about self-observance, which supports my idea of focusing on my spirituality, and is not meant to make any judgments on Christianity or the friendly people from the discussion group. :)

Day 3

No memory of dreams today. So, I guess I should ruminate on my other focus. Keep in mind that I tend to understand things better from a top-down perspective, so we'll start with general concepts (which is pretty much all I have at the moment) and become more detailed as things become clearer.

How do I define my spirituality?

My spirituality is my recognition, acceptance, and alignment with my soul's true expression. My soul's true expression is a state free of ego (and therefore conditioning), where there is no separation between my "authentic self" and the Universe. In another word, Enlightenment.

I'm under no supposition that I will achieve Enlightenment in my lifetime, but I believe that through developing my spirituality, I will be able to make the most of the time I have.

Recognition
Knowing borne from stillness, serendipitous "messages from the Universe", gut feelings, and the like, come to the mind from within - where our soul's are connected to all. Recognition of these as things by which use of the mind shall manifest is a valuable lesson in finding my path.

Acceptance
Trust is faith is knowing is acceptance. To use a positive analogy, when you trust a friend, you have faith in them. You know they will come through for you, which is an acceptance of a truth. (Pure logicians out there are suffering brain hemorrhages right now.)

"What I recognized, is truth."

Alignment
Once I have recognized and accepted the truth from within, my actions and expressions must align with that truth in order to be authentic.

I'm reminded of one quality described by Suze Orman as that of a wealthy woman. Harmony and Balance. Simply put, harmony within yourself is reached when what you think, feel, say, and do, are the same.

It is that harmony with the Universe that ultimately merges into one, with Enlightenment.