Authenticity

Far too often have I taken cues from those around me to determine what I think, say, and do, rather than my own personal expression.

Therefore, I've been trying to figure out who I am and what I want. This is not a selfish quest any more than it's selfish for a tree to extend it's branches toward infinite sunlight and therefore provide oxygen to it's Earthly cohabitants, albeit a less than conscious effort.

How can I say to someone that I need to figure out who I am? Especially to someone who thinks they know? I've said that I want to "be me", but this implies that at times I'm not "me", which is absurd, since I'm obviously no one else but myself.

I think that my authentic self is buried under years of influence, and that all of the "issues" I'm trying to resolve in myself are just manifestations of incongruency between my authentic self and how my conscious mind, under consideration of external influence, has directed me. So, when I say I want to "be me", I'm saying that I want to shed the extra layers of expectation, fear, and self-judgment and doubt that strip me of my confidence that I'm thinking, doing, and saying what is true.

Perhaps then I will have something as purposeful as oxygen to offer those in my life.