Someone told me today that I was being impatient and defensive. Funny thing is, I saw it coming, but seemed to offend when I tried to end the conversation, so the inevitable occurred. At any rate, I appreciated the honesty and simply replied that I didn't mean to be. (Wow, I've come a long way; but I still have a long way to go.)
Anyway, this got me thinking about traps I fall into and in some cases, the logic that allows me to escape their grasp. Many of these are sub-types of over-thinking things, but deserve individual mention. And as a disclaimer, yes, I know a lot of these are obvious to many, and it may even sound silly that I am talking about them, but it's my blog, and I can say what I want. :)
Trap #1: It was something I did. Although I have the best intentions and try only to say and do what is honest, yet considerate, there are still times I miss the mark. But, more times than not, I place an over-importance of myself in a given situation, and find that there are plenty of other things that affect someone more than little old me.
Trap #2: Being defensive. Believe it or not, until today, I didn't see the difference between being defensive and simply being argumentative. I may not have it completely right, but my new persective on being defensive is the reaction I have when I'm told something that I interpret as being told that I am wrong. For example, imagine I said I wanted to play more tennis and someone told me to join a league. An honest and considerate answer would be: "I have thought of that, but it's not really feasible for me because of my skill level, fees, and so on."An argumentative response would be, "that wouldn't work." A defensive answer would be, "But I can't because I'm not skilled enough and it would cost to much money and I don't know of any leagues anyway." It might not be the best example, but I'm often told that it's the tone of my responses, too.
Trap #3: Being overcritical of others. I expect others to live up to my unreasonable standard of behavior. This is (at least) a two-fold issue. So, I just try to remember that each person is responsible for themselves, and it's not really possible for me to apply my standards on them because they are not me, and have different lives.
Trap #4: Scorched earth. The most dangerous trap for me as it can cause me to unnecessarily sabotage things. It's quite silly from a logical point of view, but if one aspect of something is not right and can't be made right, the entire thing is worthless and should be discarded. The only thing that saves me from this is to just be aware of my thoughts and try to apply logic to them before I do anything I'd regret.
I know I need to lighten up. My Mom has been saying that to me for YEARS.
If only I could neutralize my ego...
3 comments:
I always find your posts interesting. I realize that you are being purposely vague and I do the same thing to avoid conflict and revealing information that I feel is not open to the world. I can't say that I completely understand, and that is why I find it so interesting. I won't decorate my posts with over explanation since I have already seen that you grasp the whole concept from the parts.
I try to leave out details about people more out of respect for them. Yes, if the person who called me impatient and defensive read my post, they would know I was referring to them, but no one else would know. Besides, half the time, my vagueness is a result of me being too lazy to write (and assuming no one really wants to read about) all of the background necessary to really illustrate a point.
I'm glad you find it interesting; and glad you don't completely understand, or you'd be suffering like me. :)
I do feel compassion for your suffering, and I guess that is a natural tendency also. I can say that I suffer from my own memories also and that may make it possible for me to more fully appreciate some aspects. I don't think that the suffering is contagious :)
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