Rejection

Rejection (in a social context) isn’t always rejection. At least my take is that if you’re not chosen for something, it’s not necessarily because you’re not smart, attractive, cool, or whatever enough. Things change from moment to moment, and so do people’s moods and preferences. For example, if I want to spend time alone during a weekend afternoon, and decline when a friend calls me to do something, it simply means that based on whatever situation I’m in, I would prefer to be alone. Whether it’s because there are chores I want to do, hobbies I want to pursue, feel I need a mental break free of interaction, or any other possible reason, it doesn’t mean I’m rejecting my friend. Rather, it means I’m choosing something else.

For those who think in black and white and claim that not choosing something is rejecting it, I offer this analogy. Say you generally like the taste of popcorn. When you eat something else, it doesn’t mean that you don’t like popcorn. You probably like many foods, but at different times you prefer the taste of different things. Further, when you’re not eating anything, it doesn’t mean you don’t like any food.

So, if you feel rejected by a friend for reasons not evident, it may help to look at it from the perspective that no one can be everything for another, and each person has a variety of things they like to do and people they like to spend their time with. Just like you enjoy a variety of food.

Some challenges to dealing with feelings of rejection might be a sense of relative unimportance (comparing yourself to others) or that the other person is being selfish.

(Posts that link to this one: “On the path to happiness”.)