True self, confidence, and attraction

Living your true self makes you more attractive.

Aside from superficial observations, confidence plays a significant part in how attractive a person is. When someone is being/doing something that they truly enjoy – whether it’s a girl playing Magic or a guy exploring the culinary arts – they are more attractive because they are letting you see the real them. And if an activity isn’t the “norm” for their gender, they may be even more confident because they know they are being genuine, despite the fact that it’s not the norm… ergo, they are more attractive.

False expressions of confidence aren't as successful because who or what is being attracted isn't a natural connection. (This doesn't mean that natural connections never fade, but in those cases, it's caused by something else.)

Being "attractive" doesn't mean being "sexually" attractive... it defines everything you attract: people, relationships, experiences, information... everything. But attracting what naturally aligns with you depends on whether you are living your true self.

Enneagram

I’ve studied the Enneagram for some time, and I’ve learned that there are many people who either aren’t interested in personality typing, don’t want to be “put in a box”, or think it’s a load of hooey. That’s fine with me. It took me a while not to get defensive, but I only wanted others to be able to see it for what it was: a tool. The Enneagram helped me greatly by helping me understand that I am a product of my experiences (I know this is a “duh” thing for many, but you have to figure it out sometime); and allowed me to let go of my… well, guilt about being the way I am. It helped me form language around the things that make me an individual, and the flaws I see that I’d like to change, or somehow “redirect”.

It also helped me understand the dynamics of my relationship with my parents. I’m a One, my Mom’s a Nine, and my Dad’s an Eight. Now I have a better understanding of why me and my Dad often butted heads, and why my Mom was always caught in the middle. Our “surface desires” seemed to match sometimes, but our motivations were different. I cannot stress enough that personality type models are tools. If you are manipulated by them, then they are not being used correctly. If you react to something about yourself that a model happens to point out, then there’s no harm in looking deeper, if you want. It’s also my understanding from books on the Enneagram that each person is a combination of all the types, which supports the idea that everyone is individual. It doesn’t put everyone into one of 9 types, rather some place on a very long spectrum. I also like how it suggests different characteristics of a person depending on their state, whether they are “moving” in a positive direction (growth), or negative (stressed).

Here are a couple websites:
http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/
http://www.9types.com/

Intelligence Lost?

I usually operate under the assumption that I (or anyone) could learn just about anything, but I think that there are natural limitations for certain types of knowledge, and whether they can be overcome is often up to the person. An example that I’ll never forget is when I tried to teach my grandmother how to use a computer. She was probably about 80 at the time (she’s 94 now). I consider her pretty intelligent, but she couldn’t grasp the concept of using a mouse. Her hand was on the mouse, and I placed my hand on hers. I used my other hand to point to the screen where the pointer was, and moved both my hands in conjunction so that she could see the coordination between mouse and screen. When I let go for her to try on her own, she kept “twisting” the mouse, as if she were screwing a top on a jar. For a time, I thought it was simply an inconceivable concept for her, but maybe her desire to learn just wasn’t strong enough. I would like to have the intelligence to adapt to the changes that I can’t foresee – to solve problems that I can’t think of.

I think the influx of tech gadgets have in one way helped users' ability to think in different ways from what we're used to; but in another way, they have greatly reduced the need for users to rely on memory. If I can't remember a street name, movie title, band name, song lyric, how to spell anything, a phone number, or anything else that I've not committed to memory, all I need is one of my gadgets. And by that, I mean my laptop or my cell phone. I don't even need to remember or write down the model number of my vacuum to get correct bags - I can just take a picture of the model label with my phone and refer to it in the store.

I take some effort in practicing memory though. When I'm going to a new place, I memorize the address (even if I'm only going to end up entering it into my GPS). I have memorized my account numbers, including my primary credit card (along with date and security code). This is quite handy when ordering stuff online because I don't have to fish out my card. I play video, card, and board games that rely on memory. Even in tennis, I have to remember the score. When I read a book, I memorize the page number where I stopped instead of marking it. I also see an opportunity coming in the somewhat near future as I consider educational options.Above all, I want to be able to grasp concepts that are foreign to me, like the mouse was a foreign concept to my grandmother. She has yet to use a computer.