Possible BIID-related movie

About a year ago, I read a news article about a woman who wanted her legs removed from her body. It was a fascinating first-person account that was removed from the website shortly after I found it. However, I discovered that there are others like her, who have what psychiatrists call BIID (Body Integrity Identity Disorder).

Anyway, I immediately thought that it would be a great subject for a movie. Lo and behold, today I happened upon Quid Pro Quo, to be released on Friday, June 13, 2008... which is the same release date for M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening.

Official site: Quid Pro Quo
Apple trailer site: Quid Pro Quo

Memorial Day

I remember those who sacrificed
in ways I cannot imagine.

I respect the choices of those who stepped up
when they were called.

I honor the freedom they fought for
by living true.

Blog depurpose

I have changed a lot in recent months, so I’m officially “depurposing” my blog from chronicling my personal growth in a structured way, as I previously set out to do with the initial blog repurpose. This isn’t to say that I won’t still write about my growth; on the contrary, as in a sense, living is growing. But I choose not to have a specific purpose defined that may restrict or otherwise direct the content I create. I will simply share what feels right, as I don’t presume to comprehend the purpose of everything, which includes what I write here.

Shadow and Light

I am shadow.
Nonexistent in light
Hidden in plain sight

My presence has no consequence
Nor my absence

Under cover of my darkness
Lie unknown things
That die or grow.

I am light.
Knowledge for seeing
Truth that is for being

Giving warmth that deepens mine
Into eyes I shine

Compassionate balance
I am whole
As day and night.

Nothing

There is no hope - only what is.
Lost.

Never again will I experience such joy.
I am alone
and always will be.

No attachment
to happiness, to others.
I am better without the good.

Comfort is always there
in emptiness.

Freedom from "in"

I've often struggled to reconcile the incredibly varied types of connections/relationships I can have (and would enjoy!) with people, against what I've been taught is prudent, acceptable, appropriate, etc. Over time, I have simply suppressed my own expression in order to conform to societal rules (or what I thought the societal rules were).

I have recently been working very hard at identifying which aspects of my expression are results of conditioning, and addressing them consciously. However, last Saturday, through a strange circumstance, I gained access to unconscious conditioning that I had not previously been able to see, much less discard. It took me a day and a half to process it, and I came out on the other side a new person. Now I am free from those dictated ways of relating because I have the clarity to see that it's purely up to the individuals involved, and includes being aware, honest, respectful, and conscious. The past five days have been a miraculous, validating whirlwind of meaning, clarity, opportunity, love, and joy.

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So I'm toying with the concept that being "in love", "in a relationship", or "in a marriage" is as confining as the very word "in" suggests. To be "in" something is to assume that there is some inherent boundary that separates, or limits, what is contained within and without. And the thing with boundaries is that they must be agreed upon to avoid some level of conflict. In the realm of feelings, the proverbial "line in the sand" leads a much more unpredictable existence than its physical counterpart due to its nature of having a plethora of factors and conditions that affect every aspect of it, at any given time.

I can relate with someone. I can feel love for someone. But do I ever want to be "in" something? I know it’s semantic, but I actually think that it’s the existence of these "predefined" sets of boundaries (and what they are presumed to contain) that create the expectations and obligations that, although accepted, are not actually reasonable in many cases.