My Take on "It takes a village to raise a child"

It is unreasonable to expect parents to raise well-rounded children without support. In order to function intelligently in the world, a child needs to learn first-hand that people can be very different from one another, and that it doesn’t mean that a particular person is right or wrong/better or worse. This is done by safely (and graciously) growing up around people of different ways of life, age groups… and yes, religion/belief systems, etc. Seeing how different people treat each other, themselves, and how they react in certain situations teaches the child that they have a choice in how they live their lives, and they begin to practice making those choices in a safe environment.

If there are enough people to provide day-to-day support of a family with a child, there is less stress, less fear, less anger, less resentment and more joy, more gratitude, more learning, and more love to go around because experiences will vary, which always makes life more interesting, and provides something new to talk about at the dinner table, and so on. A parent, when beginning to become stressed, or is too tired, or is dealing with some state of mind or other incapability that interferes with their ability to focus on the child can easily and quickly find a brief reprieve without having to resort to some electronic babysitter; and the child ends up gaining experience with interacting with another person, the care-giver has an opportunity to offer assistance and enjoy sharing time with a child, and the parent avoids frustration and burn-out. It means that there are many people the parents trust with the life of the child because the child is truly important to everyone else, and they want to support the family. It means that a child has a view of the world that is as realistic as possible to prepare them for adulthood when they will have to form and maintain relationships and perhaps raise children of their own.

I imagine that if such a village existed, there would be an understanding of who was responsible for what, because it would largely depend on the specific abilities, availabilities, and extent to which an individual wanted to participate (even the parents – not every human who procreates knows everything about everything!). For example, some people would rather care for babies, when others would rather help with teaching a particular skill, or help them deal with emotions, or whatever. This type of village means that there’s always someone to go to when help is needed, or some time is needed away from the family, but in a way that everyone knows that everyone is safe. Unfortunately, this is not the norm in our society, if it’s even possible. Fortunately, humans are very adaptive and resilient and end up being able to survive somehow. :)

What do you do for living?

In social situations, I understand that this is a conventional question that most people are comfortable asking and answering. However, this question cannot be asked without first making the assumption that someone is actually working. It also assumes that what a person is employed to do gives you insight into who they are. Instead, when you want to know more about someone, I propose asking something like “what interests you?” The assumption that a person is interested in something is much more likely to be accurate.

If you’re not working for whatever reason, and someone asks “what do you do for a living”, I would probably try to do is answer in the spirit of the question. Chances are, someone is either simply making small talk or looking for a connection, so answer with something you want to talk about, or how you spend your time. Although I personally avoid asking the question because I don’t like being nosey, a friend of mine is a teacher and she struggles with people not understanding how she survives the summer. (!) Anyway, she tries to ask, “what are you passionate about”, so maybe if you answer as if the question was phrased that way, it would be easier. For example, I think I’ve actually answered with something like, “well, my work isn’t that interesting, but it allows me to focus on the things I enjoy like…” One thing’s for sure is that people like talking about themselves in general, so if you don’t feel like putting much effort into answering, steering the conversation toward the other person usually puts you in the clear. “Tell me about your… whatever.” Just make sure you’re willing to put forth some effort into actually listening.