Sign language

For as long as I can remember, I have been fascinated with sign language. I never learned it because I never needed to. I find it more expressive than spoken word, like dancing... it's body language.

I knew someone who was fluent in sign language when I lived in Arizona; once we went to a club and across a huge crowd, he saw someone he knew. Because of the high volume level, he was able to have a conversation with this person by signing all the way across the dance floor easier than with me, standing right next to him. I thought that was pretty neat.

At dinner on a business trip several years ago, a conversation began comparing being deaf and being blind. One of the project team members explained a perspective that has stuck with me ever since. Although most of the people were quick to say that they would select sight over hearing if they had to choose, one man said that he would definitely choose hearing over sight. And then there was silence.

He went on to explain that he had an opportunity to experience what it was like to be newly deaf. A device was placed in each of his ears that emitted a white noise that was loud enough to drown out sound, but soft enough that after some time, his brain stopped registering the noise, and he perceived hearing nothing at all.

The thing he noticed most was how isolated he felt from other people. If he wasn't looking at a person, they had no way of getting his attention other than touching him. And people quickly got tired, if not annoyed, and eventually ignored him completely.

I would like to learn sign language. Recently, a friend asked me why, and several reasons come to mind. The concept of communicating with gestures just seems natural to me. I think it would allow for a deeper connection because the nature of signing includes more than just hands, which allows deeper expression, and that appeals to me. I suspect my attention to detail would be a strength when learning to interpret other's signs (although I don't think it will be easy to learn).

Among other things, I try not to take my hearing for granted. Beyond the reasons described above, I can't help but wonder if there is some other possible purpose for knowing sign language that I'm not aware of yet. One obvious purpose is to be an interpreter, and although I can't rule that out, I would have my work cut out for me because my memory is not very good at that kind of thing. When I've helped a friend by taking dictation, I would often have to get her to repeat things because my mental "buffer" is pretty limited. I could probably work on improving that skill if I wanted to. Or, maybe it would just be an opportunity to communicate in-person with people whom I'm not currently able. All I can say is that I have a feeling that knowing sign language would bring me joy, and I've learned enough recently that I don't need to know why or how before doing something about it.

So, what's stopping me? What's holding me back? Well, I guess on some level, I don't think I have the "right" to know sign language since I don't "need" it. I have no direct connection to the deaf community. Practically, I don't (think) I know anyone who knows sign language, so I don't a way (much less a convenient way) to practice, which is crucial to learning.

Obviously, if I have a desire to connect with people using sign language, I have the right to learn it. Whether some people think otherwise isn't my concern. Even by writing this post, I may invite opportunities to present themselves.

After I finished typing the above paragraph, I succumbed to my compelling urge to Google "learn sign language" and within seconds, I was reading "Reflections of an ASL Student". And within seconds, after reading a few of his posts, I felt so inspired and supported at the same time.

I'm interested to see where I go with this...

I know nothing

I understand.
Things change from moment to moment.
The future is not predictable.
The present isn’t always what it seems.
The past doesn’t exist.
Only our perception of it.

I try.
My intuition guides me.
I make as few assumptions as possible.
When in doubt, I do nothing.

I know nothing.
Things are not known. They just are.

(Thanks to B. for prompting me to write this post.)

Message of the Spider

Over the last couple of weeks, I have considered what the spider might symbolize to me. Wisdom of connectedness has been my prevalent thought.

At some point last week, the name Susun Weed came to mind, for the first time in about five years, while I was walking to my car. I thought of her name when I noticed clover growing through the cracks in the sidewalk along my street, and recalled times when I’ve plucked and eaten their leaves.

Friday night, at my first drum circle, I mentioned my recent spider presence. One woman said that the spider is used frequently with “grandmother”.

At a friend’s house on Sunday, three times I relocated baby spiders which were dangling from my body.

Today, I took a couple minutes to look up spider symbology on the Web. There are many references, most having to do with dream interpretation, and although they made sense, nothing seemed to be significant. Then I recalled what the woman from Friday said, and I looked up “grandmother spider”.

There was Susun Weed. I clicked her site's link first (even though it was second in the list) and found a wonderful story of how everything is connected in the Web of Life.
I clicked the link listed first and found a fable of wisdom, where Grandmother Spider is titled Firebringer.

In the past month, I have been present at a couple of fire circles. Each time, I sang a song in my head:

Rise up o flame
By thy light's glowing
Show to us beauty
Vision and joy

When I learned this song, it was sung over and over, in a round, as the campfire was being lit. I had prided myself on becoming one of the few “one-match-fire” starters. (The key was dry blueberry twigs.) This was at the summer camp I attended for 10 years… where I first enjoyed the company of wolf spiders in my tent.

Message received… loud and clear.