What do you do for living?

In social situations, I understand that this is a conventional question that most people are comfortable asking and answering. However, this question cannot be asked without first making the assumption that someone is actually working. It also assumes that what a person is employed to do gives you insight into who they are. Instead, when you want to know more about someone, I propose asking something like “what interests you?” The assumption that a person is interested in something is much more likely to be accurate.

If you’re not working for whatever reason, and someone asks “what do you do for a living”, I would probably try to do is answer in the spirit of the question. Chances are, someone is either simply making small talk or looking for a connection, so answer with something you want to talk about, or how you spend your time. Although I personally avoid asking the question because I don’t like being nosey, a friend of mine is a teacher and she struggles with people not understanding how she survives the summer. (!) Anyway, she tries to ask, “what are you passionate about”, so maybe if you answer as if the question was phrased that way, it would be easier. For example, I think I’ve actually answered with something like, “well, my work isn’t that interesting, but it allows me to focus on the things I enjoy like…” One thing’s for sure is that people like talking about themselves in general, so if you don’t feel like putting much effort into answering, steering the conversation toward the other person usually puts you in the clear. “Tell me about your… whatever.” Just make sure you’re willing to put forth some effort into actually listening.