US Open: Prologue

I'm about to embark on an adventure which I suspect will be made more enjoyable by the work I've been doing: two days at the tennis US Open, my first time watching live, professional tennis.

I have no expectations. I've had a non-attached perspective to this trip, which was made evident when other people started telling/asking me about how excited I am about it. I hadn't really been thinking about it that much, which has allowed me to avoid the unpleasant limbo of not being in the present because I'm focused on what is to come, and enjoy a more even-keel mood. Since I don't really have an expectation, I expect that I will "go with the flow."

I am confident. Three words: New York subway. (First time on my own.)

I am self-reliant. This entire trip is my decision. Not to downplay the support I've received from friends, it would be entirely different without it. But nonetheless, I saw an opportunity to do something I wanted to do and I'm doing it. It's not a big deal, but I need to recognize that my decision to do this was completely independent from anyone else. No one asked me to go; I'm not going for anyone but myself. AND, I need to recognize that this is separate from how the trip actually turns out. There was a time that, if I took a trip like this and didn't enjoy myself, I would blame that outcome on the fact that I did it independently from others, and therefore shouldn't do it again.

I will enjoy the moment. A break from my "self-work," to be, and do.

I am doing this for me. I play tennis because it's fun. Not because I have a specific goal or feel any obligation. I enjoy watching tennis, but of course, it's not quite as fun as playing. ;) There was a time when I thought, "oh, I shouldn't go to a tennis tournament because I don't belong there. I don't know enough history of the sport, I don't know many of the players, and I'm not a good enough player, myself." But then I realized, I go to football games. I don't play football, and I don't even enjoy watching it all that much. My (il)logic broke down pretty quickly at that point.

As I may have eluded to before, tennis is the first sport I've enjoyed. Having only started a year ago, I may have "found my sport" later than most people. So what? From my perspective, tennis is my sport. Just because I don't have a long history with it doesn't mean I should downplay my enthusiasm or suppress any sense of belonging. However, it also doesn't necessarily mean that there is some connection to all other tennis fans. Which I state only to exemplify another generalization that's bad to make, not to point out a false motivating factor.

Delicious Defeat

Being new to a sport I care about, nothing could have prepared me for the unexpected outcome of a competition. Experience is everything.

I was challenged to play a set of tennis, and lost 6-1. Although I would have liked to win, it wasn't a big deal for me because I didn't really have anything to lose. But the effect of losing so badly was one of the most emotionally confounding I've ever experienced. In fact, two days later, I'm still not sure how it's going to affect my outlook.

Is it time to set a goal? This can motivate my continued improvement, which will provide more enjoyment the better I play.

Should I just give up? I'm well past my prime, and there will be a limit to how well I can play. If it's not good enough, there's no reason to continue.

Or should I just linger somewhere in between, hitting a ball around with the couple of people who would do so? As with all things, this arrangement will come to an end, so I should enjoy it while I can.

I guess time will tell because the answer will only come after taking things day-by-day. I'll just go with the flow and play if I want, when I can. Now that I've had a small taste of the bad stuff, I'm more experienced than I was, for whatever that's worth.

My Blog's New Look

I've further customized my blog which basically entailed picking a different Blogger template and replacing some images. And I needed help doing it, so I can't take all the credit. But, it looks more like I want it to, and that's what's important. I hope you like it, too. :)

On the Path to Happiness

This is a living post that will be updated and linked as appropriate.

Current goals

• Lessen the emotional (especially negative) effect others have on me
• Maintain a more steady, even-keel emotional state
• Be more self-reliant

Realizations

• People can be fundamentally VERY different.
• Comparing myself to others is detrimental.
• Rejection isn’t always rejection.
• I’m responsible for my own happiness.
• Just because something is socially expected, that doesn’t mean it’s the best thing for me.

Processes

• Self-acceptance
• Grief of loss
• Non-attachment

Accomplishments

• Stopped seeking parental approval
• Leaned to embrace imperfection

It Just Might Work

Over the last few years, I’ve studied the Enneagram in an effort to learn more about myself and my interactions with others, because I believe that what I learn will help me become a happier person. I have also sporadically kept this blog for over a year, and today it dawned on me that it’s the most logical venue to chronicle my growth, going forward.

Relevant bits:

• Grew up as an only child in a rural area.
• Enneagram type, instictual variant, level of health: 1w2, sx/so/sp, many days 3-4
• Parents’ Etype: Mom – 9; Dad – 8
• Husband’s type: 9 (wings are close; suspect more 8 than 1)
• MBTI: mostly ISFJ
  

Disclaimer: I will attempt to keep things as relevant as possible without implicating other people. It is never my intent to offend or hurt anyone. Also, nothing should be “read into” anything.

Test Ride

I went on a 24-mile bike ride yesterday and I'm not ashamed to admit that I only made it all the way back on sheer will. My legs haven't been that tired in a long time, but I'm happy I did it. My longest ride before yesterday was 16 miles. I was interested in riding my bicycle to work once in a while, so this was also a "test ride," to determine whether the roads and trails I chose would be suitable.

Overall, it was a pleasant ride, the temperature was about 84 on the way out, and got down to 77 when I got back. It was starting to get dark and although out on the open road it wasn’t so bad, it was a little too dark in the shade to see well. I enjoyed sensing the sudden fluctuations in temperature as I ride through downdrafts, and the smell of different trees and plants was refreshing. Riding at sundown was a treat because I saw and heard things I wouldn’t have earlier in the day. In the last sliver of sunlight I saw numerous near-horizontal spider webs expertly spanning the distance between trees, like ephemeral hammocks. Frogs and crickets began their music to which the flights of fireflies seemed choreographed.