Day 5 Self-acceptance

For me, the first level self-acceptance was realizing that much of what I am is a result of my experience. This allowed me to redirect energy from self-criticism to self-evaluation and improvement.

After that, applying the understanding of what it meant to not be perfect granted me the same rights as everyone else to live imperfectly, without self-induced punishment. (Barring abuse of these rights, of course.)

Once enough time passed, my way of thinking shifted to a more self-accepting perspective. I realized that since I could not change the past, I could not change the effect it has had on me, and therefore they way I am. At the same time, I have the freedom to make choices that affect me now and in the future. Since I am imperfect, I can only try to make the best choices in any given situation; and if hindsight suggests it may not have been the best choice, it's not reasonable to actually make that assumption.

Interestingly, I've applied these levels of acceptance to other people, and it's been difficult applying them to myself. This is also the case with a new level of acceptance (that I will get to in a minute), but there also seems to be a merge point between self-acceptance and my fear of judgment.

I have struggled to remember that others' judgments are meaningless in the grand scheme of things. I think one reason for this is that my Ego likes to be validated, which is the result of being judged positively - being accepted. But what good is it to be accepted, if it's meaningless?

Although an amazing chain of events occured to mentally bring me to this point, the catalyst was a quote,"It's better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you're not." So, my next level of self-acceptance is to identify those judgments that DO matter... my own.

I appreciate other people for what they are, but for myself, I concentrate on what I'm not, which is counter-productive. In that vein, if I apply to myself what I apply to others, I will be more self-accepting.